Rats Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' good

We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our check

All o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads

I passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"

I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe' spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo sho

And what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis nite

Faster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on' Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to more...

Wuz de night befo Crismus
An all ober de hood
Everybody wuz sleepin'
Day wuz sleepin' good.

Everbody wuz sleepin'
all tight in they beds
Whilst Thunderbird Wine
Danced in they heads

I was passed out on de flo
Right next to my Ma
When I heard such a fuss
I thinked "It must be de law!!"

I looked out tru de barz
dat covered my do
Spectin' de sherif
with a warrant fo sho!

Now ober de years
Sanny Claws, he be white.
But it lookin' like us bros
got a black Sanny dis night

Now what I did see
made me say "LAWD Lood at dat!"
It was a huge watermellon cadi
pulled by dwarf rats

Faster than a po-lice car
True de air he came
an whupped up on dem warf rats
an called emm by name.

On Leroy, on Kendrick,
On Jontarious Lee, on Falacious
They was a sight to see

He didn't go down no more...

A man was browsing in an antique store when he came upon a statue of a rat. He asked the price and the owner said, "The statue of the rat is $100; the legend behind the statue is another $100."
The man agreed to buy only the statue itself, although the owner warned as he left, "You'll be back for the legend!"
The man tossed the statue into the back seat of his car and started to drive away.
There were several rats in the alley that began to chase the car. As he went through town, many more rats began to chase the car, until literally hundreds of rats were swarming the car.
Frightened, the man sped toward the edge of town to a bridge over the river. He tossed the statue over the bridge and into the water below. All the rats jumped in after the statue and drowned.
The man, now visibly shaken, returned to the antique store.
The owner, seeing him approach, said, "Now, do you want the legend behind the statue of the more...

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so strikingly unique that he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "$12 for the rat, $100 for the story," says the owner. The tourist gives the man $12. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, more...

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at
the exotica, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a
rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have
it.
He takes it to the owner, "How much for the bronze rat?"
"$12 for the rat, $100 for the story," says the owner.
The tourist gives the man $12, "I'll just take the rat, you can keep
the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a
few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun
following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he begins
walking faster.
But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown
to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the
Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the
millions, and are squealing and coming toward him faster more...

The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.

1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.

2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.

3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.

4. There are some things even a rat won't do.

A tourist wandered into a dimly-lit old San Fransisco antiques shop, down in china town. Perusing the shelves, he discovered an amazingly life-sized and life-like bronze sculpture of a rat. He had to have it and asked the shopkeeper how much it cost.
"$12 for the rat," said the shopkeeper, "and $500 more for the fascinating story behind it."
"Old man, you can keep the story," the tourist replied, "but I'll take the rat."
As he left the store with the bronze rat, two live rats emerged from the sewer and started following him. The tourist looked over his shoulder and began walking faster, but more and more rats started following him. As people pointed and shouted the tourist was in a panic.
Walking faster and faster he soon began to run as the rats started appearing from old abandoned cars, basements and sewers. He ran as fast as he could to the waterfront as millions of squealing rats kept up with him. With his last bastion of more...