Reading Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Why do you keep reading the Bible every day?" the teenage girl asked her grandfather.
"Well, it's a bit like cramming for your final exam," said Granddad.
A young teacher was lecturing her class on map reading.
After thoroughly explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes, the teacher asked Ralph, "What if I asked you to meet for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?"
Pondering the question for a few moments, a very confused Ralph replied, "Well, I guess you'd be eating alone!"
A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son", the priest replied, "It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes, and the lack of a bath."
"Well, I'll be darned," the drunk muttered, as he returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
To which the man replies, "I don't have it, Father. I was just more...
Mr U-Rawana, though a strong Buddhist, enjoyed reading the Bible immensely. One day, after reading the bible, our good friend was visibly upset and this was noticed by his wife too. She was curious to know as to what had made her so upset.
After wiping his tears, Mr U-Rawan explained to his wife the cause of his grief. "see dear.... I never expected the end of such a noble personality to be so tragic and miserable. Do you know that he died in a gunny bag?" Mrs U-Rawana, the better educated of the two knew that her husband has blundered somwhere again.
She grabbed the the bible from her husband and began to read it. To her amusement, she found the last sentence therein which read as "......... Thus the Jesus Christ died in agony."
Our good friend had read it as "Thus the Jesus Christ died in a gony" (Gony in Sinhala means gunny bag).
This is an actual ad that appears in the June 97 issue of Dog Fancy:
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A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine." Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, more...
by Joe Mullich, AmericanWay Magazine, November 15, 1994
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house, only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers, and you butt in to correct him and spend the more...