Reading Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The mans tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, its caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well Ill be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "Im very sorry. I didnt mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?" "I dont have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

I am reading a very interesting book about anti-gravity...I just can't put it down.

My brother and I were sitting at the computer reading the daily teaser from the past week. I read the last one (April 30th 2006) and my sister(who is a blonde) walks in to get a drink. I'm reading a line that says:"But, madam!", replied the bellman, and my sister walks up behind me and says "What did you call me?!" and I say, "Well I didn't call you any thing. I was reading this joke and she says, "Oh well I thought you were calling me a damn bitch!"

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that "Cheech" the orang-utang was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother'skeeper or my keeper's brother."

There were two workers digging in a ditch. Their supervisor was sitting against a brick wall reading a book.
After a while, one worker said to the other "How come we're over here working in the hot sun while he's over there reading a book?"
The other guy replied, "I don't know. Why don't you go ask him?"
So the first guy walked over to where the supervisor was sitting. The supervisor looked up and then went back to reading his book.
Finally the worker asked him, "How come you're over here reading, while we're digging in the sun?"
The supervisor looked at him for a moment and answered, "Intelligence." Then he continued reading.
After thinking about this for a minute, the worker asked, "How's that?"
The supervisor replied, "Let me show you." He held out his hand and said, "now, hit my hand as hard as you can."
The worker put down his shovel and proceeded to hit the supervisor's more...

One day there is a well-educated man sitting in a redneck bar reading a book. A Redneck happens to wander over to him and asks, "Whatcha there reading Mister?"
The educated man replies, "It's a book about logic".
Confused, the redneck replies "Logic? What's logic?"
The educated man explains to the man, "Logic is the ability to come to a conclusion knowing only one fact. For example, do you own a weed whacker?"
The Redneck shouts, "Hell yeah I own a weed whacker!"
So the educated man continues, "Well, if you have a weed whacker, and I know you have a weed whacker, I know you have a lawn. If I know you have a lawn I know you have a house. If you have a house, demographically speaking I can deduce that you are a white male, 35-50 yrs old, and a heterosexual. Therefore, by knowing that you have a weed whacker I know that you are straight. Am I correct?"
The redneck responds flabbergasted "Hell yeah more...

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwins Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brothers keeper or my keepers brother."