Ready Jokes / Recent Jokes
Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work: Strange... I've never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test data. I have not touched that module! Yes yes, it will be ready in time. You must have the wrong executable. Oh, it's just a feature. I'm almost ready. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes. It will be done in no time at all. It's just some unlucky coincidence. I can't test everything! THIS can't do THAT. Didn't I fix it already? It's already there, but it has not been tested. It works, but it's not been tested. Somebody must have changed my code. There must be a virus in the application software. Even though i t does not work, how does it feel? How come you didn't find it during the system testing? It's a setup problem. And the Ultimate: A smart user more...
Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.
How do you know when an Indian girl is ready for sex?
The red spot on her forehead turns green!
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready. . . Aim. . . "
The blonde shouts, more...
The eastern lady who was all ready to take a horseback ride said to the cowboy, "Can you get me a nice gentle pony?" "Shore," said the cowboy. "What kind of a saddle do you want, English or western?" "What's the difference?" asked the lady. "The western saddle has a horn on it," said the cowboy. "If the traffic is so thick here in the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I don't believe I want to ride."
A married couple in their 80's had been married for over 50 years. The wife had not had sex in so long that she decided to try something different to get her husband aroused. She went to an exotic shop and bought a satin red cape. She went home and ran upstairs to get ready while her husband sat in front of the t.v. watching football.
She ran downstairs and stood directly in front of the t.v. with nothing but the cape and yelled at her husband, "Are you ready for some SUPER SEX?!"
The husband kept his eyes on the television and said, "I'll take the soup."
Murphy`s Laws Of CombatIf the enemy is in range, so are you.Incoming fire has the right of way.Don`t look conspicuous, it draws fire.There is always a way.The easy way is always mined.Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.Professionals are predictable, it`s the amateurs that are dangerous.The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you`re ready for them. b. When you`re not ready for them.Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.If you can`t remember, the claymore is pointed at you.The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won`t be able to get out.Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.If you are short of everything more...