Reagan Jokes / Recent Jokes
You might recall that John Hinckley was the seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980s. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.
There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from former presidential hopeful John McCain to Mr. Hinkley. The staff at the mental facility where Hinkley is being treted is reported to have intercepted this memo and it reads as follows:
To: John Hinckley
From: Sen. John McCain, R AZ.
My wife and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is more...
"Why's Reagan trying to blow out the chandelier?"
"Happy Birthday to...wait stop. He's wandered off again!"
"...And now president Reagan will use his Playskool phone to call and wish himself a Happy Birthday"
"Mommy make me cake! Cake good"
"More coffee, Quayle!"
"Hey, someone spiked the punch with Grecian Formula"
"Excuse me, I've got to exercise the old 'Trickle-Down Theory', if you know what I mean"
"Quick, hide the cake! Rush Limbaugh's here!"
"Wow, a Beavis and Butthead T-Shirt!"
"Am I still President?"
Ahhh -- the good ole days when Ronnie was in office:
Presidential Aide - Mr. Reagan!. Mr Reagan Sir!!! The Russians have just landed on the Moon! And they've started to paint it red! What shall we do?
Ronnie - Come back when they've finished, son.
P.A. [later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have painted a quarter of the moon red!
Ronnie - Don't worry about it, son. Tell me when they've finished.
P.A. [still later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted half the moon red! Aren't you going to do anything?
Ronnie - Nope, not yet.
P.A. [still later and even more anxious] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted THREE-QUARTERS of the moon red! Can we bomb them, Sir? Please, Sir?
Ronnie - [ as before ]
P.A. - Mr Reagan. They've painted the WHOLE moon red!
Ronnie - OK. Now call NASA, and tell them to get a rocket up there, with plenty of white paint, and paint' more...
From Dennis Miller (paraphrased)
Ron Reagan (son) has a new talk show. I hope you all watch it. After
all we know what happens when a Reagan does badly in show business.
Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me."
Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground."
Zail Singh digs.
Reagan says, "More, more, more..."
Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!"
Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India.
In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!"
He takes Reagan to a forest and asks him to dig.
After some time GyaniJi says, "More.. . more... more!"
Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
Zail Singh says, "Find more...
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. -Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. -Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
Alliance, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
-Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Boundary, n.: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's more...