"Quotes About Politics" joke

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. -Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. -Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
Alliance, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
-Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Boundary, n.: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
In politics stupidity is not a handicap. -Napoleon Bonapart
It's amazing how many people beat you at golf now that you're no longer president. -George Bush
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them
pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. -Winston Churchill
Congressmen have been bought and sold so many times they should have bar codes. -Contemporary Comedy
When I was a boy I was told anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it. -Clarence Darrow
All a man needs to be elected President is the kind of profile that looks good on a postage stamp. -B.B. Franklin
Ninety percent of politics is deciding who to blame. -Meg Greenfield, in Newsweek
Every politician who runs for the presidency says he wants to turn the
country around. That's why we have so many problems. The country's been
turned around so many times, it's going in circles. -Joe Hickman
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot have a nativity scene in
Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This wasn't for any religious reasons.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin. -Steven Israel
Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. -John F. Kennedy
I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were
running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in
the head to stop your headache. -Jack Mayberry
Former President Carter said that Bill Clinton brought
disgrace to the White House with his last minute pardon of
Marc Rich. After hearing this, President Clinton denied the
accusation and said that was not how he brought disgrace to
the White House. -Conan O'Brien
Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. -P.J. O'Rourke
When I die, I want to be buried in Chicago so I can still be active in politics. -Representative Charlie Rangel
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. -Ronald Reagan
My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. -Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have
looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress. -Ronald Reagan
I have left orders to be awakened at
any time in case of national emergency,
even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. -Ronald Reagan
Politics ain't worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space. -Will Rogers
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -Will Rogers
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty." -Theodore Roosevelt
The most successful politician is he who says what