Real Jokes / Recent Jokes

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in theright place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor thathe's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him,"Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?"The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."

One white guy went to the bathroom to pee.
He saw a black guy at the next urinal with a huge penis.
White guy said " wow! brother, you gotta huge pecker"
Black guy just grinned and said "Why thank you, man.
Would you like to know how you could have one too?
"Hell yes," replied the white man as dreams of all the
women he could have danced through his head.
"Well, tell you what you do... you lay your dick out on
the table, grease it up real good with some butter...
and smack it REAL hard between two bricks," stated the
coon without even flinching.
The white guy raised his brow and winced in pain, "Are
you sure, man?! That has to hurt like hell!!!"
The spook just grinned, "Nah, just hurts the first few
times, but damn it's worth it, let me tell you. I have
at least 6 women each week now that I have this huge
talleywacker!"
"Six women? Goddamn! I more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Farmer's Branch, Texas: Customers waiting for car repairs at Swedish Auto Incorporated now have an alternative to reading old magazines. William Signs, owner of the garage, is offering a free marriage ceremony with any 30, 000-mile inspection on Hondas, Volvos and BMWs. For the $290 price of the inspection, he will throw in the cost of being married by the local justice of the peace, a $25 value. The inspection comes with a warranty, but there is no guarantee on the marriage. Then again, the justice of the peace, Judge Bob Forman, suggests, "Maybe the car will break down and the marriage won't." He says he hasn't seen anything like this stunt since his days as a practicing attorney, when a client asked him to draw up wills for employees in lieu of cash bonuses at Christmas. Signs said he got the idea during a trip to Las Vegas, where he more...

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat,
jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down
next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and
asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding
cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am,"
replied the cowboy.
After a short while he asked her what she was.
"I've never been on a ranch so I know I'm not a cowboy,"
said the young woman, "but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole
day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the
morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV,
everything seems to make me think of women."
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another
drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a
real more...

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free... taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The early bird may get the worm, more...

All of the following town names are REAL:
Long Dong (Guangxi, China)
Blowhard (Australia)
Pickles Gap (Arkansas)
Petting (Germany)
Mount Mee (Australia)
Titting (Germany)
Lickdale (Pennsylvania, USA)
Yocumtown (Pennsylvania, USA)
Fugit (Kentucky, USA)
Assinippi (Massachusetts, USA)
Big Cockup and Little Cockup (England)
Cocktown (Wexford, Ireland)
Sally's Gap (Ireland)
Dick Johnson (Indiana, USA)
Beaver Bottom (Kentucky, USA)
Black Butte (Oregon, USA)
Sandy Balls (England)
Tilicum (Washington, USA)
Cockburn (Australia)
Bangor (Wales)
Dyckesville (Wisconsin, USA)
Ballville (Ohio, USA)
Prickwillow (England)
Black Charlie's Opening (England)
Kinmount (Ontario, Canada)
Euren (Wisconsin, USA)
Cockland (Ohio, USA)
Assville (Tennessee, USA)
Spuzzum (Canada)
Bloody Dick (Montana, USA)
Shafter (California, USA)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Mt. Buggery more...