Real Jokes / Recent Jokes

Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Real programmers don't grumble about the disadvantages of Fortran when they don't know any other language.
Real programmers don't notch their desks for each completed service request.
Real programmers don't number paragraph names consecutively.
Real programmers print only clean compiles.
Real programmers write readable code, which they then self-righteously refuse to explain.
Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.
Remember the tea kettle; though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.
Repetition does not establish validity.
Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Rule of defactualization: information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.

A blonde was driving across several states to go visit her family. She was five hours late and her family was getting worried. When she finally got there she explained that she had seen 10 signs that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD..." Blonde
Blonde panel beater "A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.
She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do.
The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4000 to repair.
She said that was too much and wasn't there some other way to fix it.
The body man decided to have a little fun and said "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out"
She decided to give it a try before spending that much money.
She drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting, and starts:"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"The whole hall perked up - "what did he say??" Brezhnev tried again..."Dear Comrade Imperialists,"Well, by now the hall was in pandemonium - was he trying to call them Imperialists? Then, an advisor walked over to the podium and pointed to the speech for Brezhnev. "Oh..." he muttered, and started again:"Dear Comrades, Imperialists are everywhere."

President Bush: If I knew there really was not any nuclear weapons in North Korea, and we could kick their ass and if they had something that would have made me and my friends very, very, rich like diamonds, oil, gold I would send the troops in like we were saving the world from Evil. But, since North Korea has a real nuke, and the leader is really evil and crazy and a real threat to the world. Screw it. We are not going.

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.
She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do. The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4000 to repair.
She said that was too much and wasn't there some other way to fix it?
The body man decided to have a little fun and said "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out!"
She decided to give it a try before spending that much money. So she drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came over to visit.
"What are you doing!" she shrieked thinking the worst and thankful that she may have just prevented her friend from committing suicide.
"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car" explained the first more...

I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife wont give him adivorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him ahappy man.