Real Jokes / Recent Jokes

Signs you've had too much of the 90's! You try to enter your password on the microwave. You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?" You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your online buddies via a Web page. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is totally foreign to you. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes. And finally... You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person!

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. December 18, 1992In October, a cleaning crew accidentally tossed out an exhibit at the Museum of Discovery and Science in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. The exhibit consisted of 14, 000 cigarette butts -- the amount a smoker produces in a lifetime -- crammed into coffee cans. Said the artist, in defense of the cleaning crew, "(The butts) didn't smell very good."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Monday, December 7, 1992In September, the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation reported the development of an odor that makes gamblers bet more. In a study in Las Vegas, slot machines outfitted to emit the odor racked up 45 percent more business. The neurologist who conducted the study predicted that the scent will become widely used in Las Vegas.

While walking through a courthouse, a kid enters an empty courtroom. He sees a fine leather briefcase (the kind the lawyers carry) sitting on the table, picks it up and exits through the back door of the courtroom into the judge's chambers. And who should be sitting there - the judge.

Judge: "Hey kid, are you familiar with the liquor store across the street from the courthouse?"

Kid: "Yeah?"

Judge: "Good, I want you to go across the street and steal me a bottle of booze." The kid runs across the street, enters the liquor store, and when the proprietor is not looking, slips a fifth into the briefcase and brings it back to the judge. The judge immediately opens the bottle and swigs half of it.

Judge: "Hey kid, I need you to run another errand. There's a contractor, Slapdash Construction, next to the liquor store. Go to them and tell them that the judge sent you. They'll give you a brown paper bag. Bring it more...

The seven dwarfs woke up one day and they were all excited because they got to go see the Pope that day.

So they got to the Vatican and pushed Dopey up to the pope and said, "Ask him, ask him!" Dopey asked, "Pope, are there any nuns in Alaska?" and the Pope said, "Ya there are some nuns there!" but Bashful stood and said, "No, ask him the real question!"

So Dopey asked the Pope, "Are there any black nuns in Alaska?" And the Pope said, "Yes, there are some black nuns in Alaska!" but Doc jumped up and said, "Ask him the real question before you get 6 ass whoopings!"

So Dopey asked the Pope, "Are there any black, midget nuns in Alaska?" and the Pope thought, and the Pope thought, and he said, "No, Dopey I'm sorry there aren't!"

Dopey turned the other way looking very disappointed to see the other 6 dwarfs dancing and singing childishly saying, "Dopey more...

You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You now think of three espresso's as "getting wasted."
You no longer own a real deck of cards. Solitaire, spades, and
hearts are all played on the computer.
Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the
bottom of the screen.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to
make a purchase is foreign to you.
You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is
ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?"
Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

A blonde was driving home one night and got caught in the middle of a real bad hail storm. With hailstones as big as golf balls, her car got dented up pretty badly.
The next day, she took it to a body shop. The owner, noticing that she was blonde, decided to have some fun and told her she could save some money if, when she got home she would blow real hard in the tailpipe, and the dents would pop out.
When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe and her blonde girlfriend saw her. Her friend was startled and asked, “What are you doing? ” So the first girl told her friend what the body shop guy had told her to do.
Her girlfriend says, “You dumb blonde! You need to roll up the windows first. ”