Recently Jokes / Recent Jokes
Until recently, British Rail was probably the holder of the most stupid excuses for train cancellations or delays, with ones like these, which are now well-known throughout the UK:
"leaves on the line"
"the wrong kind of snow"
and more recently, a lesser known one about
"a cow on the line"
But today, on the travel news, a company has really excelled itself, The reason for delays?
"a tree had fallen on the track"
This doesn't really sound very remarkable, until you realise that the company in question is London Underground.
Recently a tour bus full of senior citizens was traveling along an interstate. Suddenly, an elderly woman in the back screamed and jumped out of her seat. The driver pulled over and headed toward the back of the bus. When the driver got to the woman, he asked what was wrong. The woman replied, "There`s a man trying to molest me!" The driver asked the other passengers, but no one had seen anything. The driver turned to the woman and said, "You must have scared off the man when you screamed." The woman agreed and returned to her seat. The bus driver resumed driving, but a few miles down the road the same woman, again, screamed and jumped out of her seat. Once again, the driver pulled over and headed to the back of the bus. "What`s wrong now?" asked the driver. The woman replied, "That man trying to molest me, he`s under my seat!" The driver looked under the seat, and sure enough there was an old bald guy. The driver said to the man, "Sir, more...
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?""No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
Recently I answered the phone and it was a sales person from a long
distance company. They asked for my late father by name.
"I'm sorry," I answered, "but he's dead."
Their reply, "May I leave a number in case the situation changes?"
Recently seen on a card...Outside: We dont feel sorry for you blowing all those candles, what about us...Inside:... We had to stay up all night lighting them!
The sexy wife of a busy husband recently won a divorce, charging her hubby with lack of attentiveness. "If anything ever happened to me," the stacked missus claimed, "my husband wouldn't even be able to identify the body."
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don, t have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not more...