Recently Jokes / Recent Jokes
Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you more...
Some Boeing employees recently “liberated” a life raft from one of the 747s on the company’s production line. Later, they took it for a float on the Stilliguamish river.
Imagine their surprise when a Coast Guard helicopter “rescued” them after homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. Not surprisingly, they no longer work at Boeing.
I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if, after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy."
Recently, our town received a grant to build housing for midgets.
According to our demographics, they figured that we should have six
midgets living here. They sent enough money so that we could finance
the building of homes and let the "little people" pay less than the
going rate for rent.
Since we have only one "little person" living here it turns out that he
won't have to pay anything for the only house we built, the subsidy
covers everything.
We call it a Stay Free Mini Pad.
You might be a child of the 80's if...... you have deep, personal relationships via computer with people you've never met in real life.... the phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis.... you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song.... not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your attention.... you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder form, thankyouverymuch.... you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade and sexual orientation.... the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.... you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was called "Battlestar Galactica".... songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.... three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?... you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television wasn't an expensive more...
Recently seen on a card...
Outside: We dont feel sorry for you blowing all those candles, what about us...
Inside:. .. We had to stay up all night lighting them!
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.