Reception Jokes / Recent Jokes
While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair our ability to meet the needs of our customers.
Enclosed with this memo is a "Y2K Backup System" device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the company's Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device (P. E. N. C. I. L.).
This device has been field tested extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input. Prior to use, the (P. E. N. C. I. L.) will require preparation and testing. Tools and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device; and a supply of computer paper (with or without more...
They've finally gone and done it! The parents have arranged one of those "meetings" where the "Any Other Business" is "Would you like pink balloons or red ones at the wedding reception?"
Yes! You're being introduced to a potential marriage partner. But to your horror Prince/Princess Charming(less) has a personality about as interesting as your big toe, wears clothes straight from the Patiala fashion show for Punjabi Farmers, has a face like a Pizza (with extra olives) and worst of all is an Accountant!
So how do you tell them that you're not interested? Well, there are obvious ways to say "Take a hike, Jack (or Jaswinder)!" but that could lead to teary eyes all round! So for your well-being The Funjabis have put together "Ten Ways To Say Get Lost - With A Smile." It may help you to adjourn the meeting more gracefully so you can live to have another one the following weekend!
Wipe your nose more...
Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.
After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.
The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.
Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote "Help" on the bottom of the groom's left shoe and "Me" on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation more...
After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
An elderly gentleman is walking down the road, and notices a nudist resort has opened recently. He ponders for a bit and thinks, "What the heck, I am old now, I have nothing to hide. I think I'll go check it out." He walks into the reception area where he is greeted by a beautiful blonde woman who is stark naked. He thinks to himself that this place has some definite posibilities.
Receptionist, "May I help you?"
Old man, "Yes, you can. I am thinking of joining. Is there any way I can go in and have a look around?"
Receptionist, "Sure you can. We allow potential nudists to go in for 2 hours and see if it is the life for them, but you have to leave your clothes here."
"Great," says the old man, and hands over his clothes and enters the resort.
He walks around for a few moments, puffing on a cigar, and realizes he is getting tired of walking and also notices he is aroused for the first time in a long time. Spotting a more...
A bride and groom had just gotten married and they were at their wedding reception. In the brides culture, it was required for the bride to dance with the best man. Well after 4-5 dances, the groom got jealous and kicked the bride in-between her legs. She went to the hospital and the doctor asked, "What happened?" The best man said," I was dancing with the bride, and the groom got jealous and kicked her between the legs." "God, that must of hurt," replied the doctor. The best man said,"Tell me about it, he broke three of my fingers!"
About halfway through the reception, the brides mother went to her daughter and said, "Go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy, eh?" The bride did as she was told, and upon finding her new husband, she took him upstairs above the celebrating crowd`s watchful eye. He knew what was to take place, wasting no time, he took his tuxedo jacket, dress shirt and t-shirt off. She noticed that he had a hairy chest! Aghast, she quickly ran downstairs, found her mother and told her "Momma, he`s got ah hairy chest!" Her mother, in hopes to calm her down, said "Go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy, eh?" She went back upstairs. He then took off his pants and she noticed that his legs were hairy too! She was quite old fashioned and didn`t know what to think, so she ran downstairs yet again to find her mother. She found her, pulled her aside and said, "Momma, Momma Mia - he`s got ah hairy legs too, what am I ah going to do, eh?" Her mother more...