Recipes Jokes / Recent Jokes

You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.

Your dog goes to the neighbours' to eat.

Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.

When you barbecue; two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.

The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard symbols.

Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.

Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.

Pest control more...

15> Your meals look just like the pictures on the cover of the
magazine - Aviation Disaster Weekly.
14> Only similarity between your Mexican cuisine and actual
Mexican cuisine is the vomiting and diarrhea.
13> Jack Kevorkian keeps writing to ask for recipes.
12> Your leftovers don't have an expiration date... they have
a half-life.
11> When no one's looking, the dog sneaks your food to his
heartworms after your son sneaks it to him.
10> The EPA has opened a branch office in your breakfast nook.
9> After all this time, it turns out the recipes were calling
for *chicken* eggs.
8> First day in the kitchen, your job was "toast the bread."
Then you were downgraded to "cut the bread." Now it's
simply "stop your bleeding."
7> You still can't figure out what the hell a "tiblisp" is.
6> The Defense Department has requested your rice pilaf recipe
as a repair compound for leaky more...

Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -' Take a clean dish and...'"

1. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and
I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

2. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospital dying of
nothing.

3. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an
argument going.

4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they use to.

5. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a
woman is their eyes, and woman say the first thing they notice about men is
they're a bunch of liars.

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.

8. Have you noticed that a slig

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Beijing (Reuter, 1/26) - China's official Xinhua news agency, which announced this week that maggot extract is a good source of nutrition, urged people Thursday to add ants to their diet with a set of recipes cooked up by a professor. Wu Zhicheng, "an expert on ant diet" based in the central city of Nanjing, has worked out dozens of recipes for ant-based cakes, teas and wines in an effort to promote ant eating, it said. "Ants are a miniature nutritious treasury," Xinhua quoted Wu as saying, adding that ants contained more zinc than either soybeans or pig liver. Xinhua said Chinese have been eating ants for more than 3, 000 years and "the longevity of many old people who are now over 100 years old has been found to be connected with an ant diet." The edible ant suggestion follows Xinhua's report Saturday that announced a scientific team had worked out a way to develop maggots as a "huge new source of nourishment for the 1990s." "Maggot more...

How do Italian Chefs swap recipes? By Spaghett-e-mail!