Redneck Jokes / Recent Jokes
A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist,' I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find' em?'
The pharmacist replied,' Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4.'
'No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it,' growled the farmer.
'Sir,' said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining,' PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide.'
'Listen here,' argued the farmer,' my wife's got a bug up her ass and I'm a goin' huntin' for it. Like I said, I want me one of them condoms with PESTICIDE on it!'
A redneck boy ran into his house and proclaimed, "I found me the girl I'm gonna marry and she's a virgin."
Infuriated, his father pounded his fist on the table and replied, "No way is you gonna be marryin' that girl. If she ain't good enough for her own family, then she sure ain't good enough for ours!"
how much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuckn could chuck wood?
as much as he can before he gets shot!
The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."
The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination--Timbuktu.
The audience went wild! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that? The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a more...
How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear? There's dandruff on his/her shoes.