"Pesticide/Spermicide" joke
A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist,' I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find' em?'
The pharmacist replied,' Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4.'
'No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it,' growled the farmer.
'Sir,' said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining,' PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide.'
'Listen here,' argued the farmer,' my wife's got a bug up her ass and I'm a goin' huntin' for it. Like I said, I want me one of them condoms with PESTICIDE on it!'
A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
My mate Dave is serving a life sentence for something he didn't do.
He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the knife.