Refrigerator Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three guys go up to heaven at the same time, and the head angel says, "it's been a busy day, so i can only let one of you in. whoever has the best story gets to go in."
the first guy said,"i had been suspecting my wife has been cheating on me for the past year, so one day when i went up to the 25th story on our apartment (where I live) i heard her in our room, and i was expecting the worst. i decided to kill the man she was cheating on me with, so i looked out the window, and here's a guy who's hanging from my telephone wire. i hammer his fingers, but he doesn't drop. i decide to throw our refrigerator out the window, so i hoisted it up on my back, and my shirt got caught, and i threw it out the window and i fell out with it."
the second guy said, "i was an innocent window washer and i was washing windows when i saw something shiny. i reached out to grab it and the next thing i know im dangeling from a telephone wire. then a freak comes up and started more...

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

I HAD A BAD DAY It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12: 01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died." "No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going more...

These 3 guys were in heaven and jesus was only taking the worst deaths so everyone had to tell them how they died.
Guy #1
I suspected my wife was cheating on me so i went to her apartment and saw a guy hanging over the balcony, so i started hammering his fingers and when he finally fell i threw a refrigerator on him. Then i was so mad that my wife had cheated on me that i commited suicide. Thats how i died.
Guy #2
I was doing my daily arobics on the balcony when all the sudden i fell. i was on the edge of the balcony i was hoping someone would save me...the suddenly this crazy man started banging my fingers with a hammer. Then i fell and he threw a refrigerator on me! Thats how i died.
Guy #3
I was naked in the refrigerator!

A Thanksgiving Cookbookby Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten ClassNOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette - Banana PieYou buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell - TurkeyYou cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it. Geremy - TurkeyYou buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat. Andrew - PizzaBuy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it. Shelby - ApplesauceGo to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it. more...

Three guys, who had all died around the same time at about the same place, were waiting to take their place in Heaven. They were told by the angel that there was room for only one of them in Heaven. Their fate would be determined by the way each of them had died, so the angel went to each man and asked how they had died.
The first guy, when approached, said:
"Well, I live on the 14th floor of my apartment building and I came home early from work because I suspected that my wife had been cheating on me, and I wanted to give the other man a piece of my mind. However, when I got home there was no one in the apartment aside from my wife, but my intuition told me otherwise, so I searched the apartment. When I came to my balcony, ready the commit suicide, I saw a man hanging on, at that point I was so angry at him that I stepped on his hands hoping he'd fall off, but he remained firm. So I went back inside and got a hammer and hit his hands, but he still didn't fall off. In my more...

(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her well-meaning husband.)




Monday A. M.


Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned.
Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six.




Tuesday A. M.


Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the
Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your
door-to-door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili.




Wednesday A. M.


Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for more...