Refuse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Take all the chip bags... open them... lick all the chips of their flavor and put them back in the bag...
hide one of their shoes every day for about a week...
Keep your room real messy for a few weeks. Clean it while your roommate is out. Leave before they come back. Arrive after them and then angrily accuse them of cleaning up your room.
Take all of the hair out of their brush and stick it to the wall with scotch tape.
Insist on cleaning their fingernails for them every night.
Crumple empty chip bags the whole time your roommate is home.
Make a shine dedicated to them.
Whistle one line of a song and repeat it for 3 days, then pick a new line.
Play Scottish music 24 hours a day full blast.
Every night at midnight, stick your head out the window and scream "GO AWAY MONSTERS! GO AWAY!" Do this every night for 6 weeks.
Sniff their underwear while they're still wearing it.
Buy fish and a fish tank. Dye the water with food coloring. more...

Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the "Cat and Duck Method" of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a great deal of merit by those who have not tried it. No reports have been received from those who did try it, and none are expected. Pilots are invited to assess its merits objectively.Basic rules for the C&D Method of instrument flight are fairly well known and are extremely simple. Here's how it's done:1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor; because a cat always remains upright. It can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and if so, which one.2. The duck is used for instrument approach and landing. Because of the fact that any sensible duck will refuse to fly under more...

I think Santa Claus is a woman....
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p. m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas more...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates
reportedly compared the computer industry with the
auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has,

we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars
that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill`s comments, General Motors i
ssued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):


If GM had developed technology like Microsoft,
we would all be driving cars with the
following characteristics:


1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash
twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the
road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway
for no reason, and you would just accept this,
restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a
left turn, would cause your car to more...

Have you ever wondered why the English language is so hard to master? We polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. A farm can produce produce. The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse. The soldier decided to desert in the desert. The present is a good time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. The dove dove into the bushes. I did not object to the object. The insurance for the invalid was invalid. The bandage was wound around the wound. They were too close to the door to close it. The buck does funny things when the does are present. They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number. I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? I more...

What happens when the cows refuse to be milked? Udder chaos!

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.