Occasion Jokes

(Age 22)
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates the finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
(Age 32)
1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
4. Listens more then he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry all the groceries wit hease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers anniversaries
10. Likes to be romantic at least once a week
(Age 42)
1. Not too ugly- Bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady- splurges on dinner at McDonald's on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punch line of more...

The Society of the Paranormal was having a convention in town and there were many attendees. The president of the society was at the podium delivering the opening address to all who were there in body and in spirit, and he asked the question:
"Who of you have had the occasion to see a ghost?". There was a showing of perhaps forty hands, to which the speaker asked,
"Who of you have had the occasion to speak with a ghost?". Once again the conventioneers raised hands, counting thirty or so.
Then the question, "Who of you have had the occaison to have actually touched a ghost?", to which about ten hands were waved about. The speaker paused for a moment, and then delivered another query,
"Who of you have had the occasion to have sex with a ghost?", and in the far back of the auditorium a lone hand was raised.
"Would the usher please escort that individual with his hand raised to the stage? I simply must inquire more...

What I want in a man, Original List (age 22)
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates the finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I want in a man, Revised list (age 32)
1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I want in a man, Revised list (age 42)
1. Not too ugly - bald head okay
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head more...

A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The Rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork."
The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A more...

A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane.
After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The Rabbi says, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork." The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
Later during the flight, the Rabbi asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot more...