Occasion Jokes / Recent Jokes
On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home. Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by candlelight. When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all thatexpensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into theempty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a half-bottle too much. He screamed to his wife, "Linda-Sue, you NASTY BITCH, you DIDN'T?!?"
The Society of the Paranormal was having a convention in town and there were many attendees. The president of the society was at the podium delivering the opening address to all who were there in body and in spirit, and he asked the question:
"Who of you have had the occasion to see a ghost?". There was a showing of perhaps forty hands, to which the speaker asked,
"Who of you have had the occasion to speak with a ghost?". Once again the conventioneers raised hands, counting thirty or so.
Then the question, "Who of you have had the occaison to have actually touched a ghost?", to which about ten hands were waved about. The speaker paused for a moment, and then delivered another query,
"Who of you have had the occasion to have sex with a ghost?", and in the far back of the auditorium a lone hand was raised.
"Would the usher please escort that individual with his hand raised to the stage? I simply must inquire more...
Announcement:
It is the responsibility of the bride’s family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride’s parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).
Invitations:
Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like “You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000. ” will suffice nicely. If you don’t want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell “If you aint doing nothin’ on the 14th of March, why don’t you stop by more...
The Society of the Paranormal was having a convention in town and there were many attendees. The president of the society was at the podium delivering the opening address to all who were there in body and in spirit, and he asked the question:
"Who of you have had the occasion to see a ghost?". There was a showing of perhaps forty hands, to which the speaker asked,
"Who of you have had the occasion to speak with a ghost?". Once again the conventioneers raised hands, counting thirty or so.
Then the question, "Who of you have had the occaison to have actually touched a ghost?", to which about ten hands were waved about. The speaker paused for a moment, and then delivered another query,
"Who of you have had the occasion to have sex with a ghost?", and in the far back of the auditorium a lone hand was raised.
"Would the usher please escort that individual with his hand raised to the stage? I simply must inquire more...
A Priest and a Rabbi happen to sit next to each other on a long transcontinental flight.
After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks,' Is it still a requirement of your faith that you are not to eat pork?'
The Rabbi responds,' Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.'
The Priest asks,' Have you ever eaten pork?'
The Rabbi replies' Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork.' The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the Rabbi looked up and asked the Priest,' Father, is it still a requirement of your Church that you remain celibate?'
The Priest replied, Yes, that is still VERY MUCH a part of our faith.'
The Rabbi then asked,' Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'
The Priest replied,' Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.'
The Rabbi looked deeply into the priests eyes, then more...
Announcement: It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride's parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside). Invitations: Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell "If you aint doing nothin' on the 14th of March, why don't you stop by my house for a cold one more...