Regarding Jokes / Recent Jokes

What will happen if the Government of India decides to become a commercial film financier, say of' Mahabharat'? Read on.... Government of India Ministry of Human Resources Development Department of Culture Films Division No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 15. 5. 03To: Shri. B. R. Chopra, Film Director, Mumbai Ref: Your letter dt. 2. 12. 90 regarding financing of films by Govt ofIndia -story submitted by you - namely,' Mahabharat' The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a filmCalled' 'Mahabharat'. The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments, and have formed definitive opinionsAbout the script. Their observations are as below: 1. In the script submitted by you it was shown that there were two setsof cousins, namely, the Kauravas more...

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18: 22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, Jim, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as
well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18: 22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a more...

NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language during the execution of their duties. Due tocomplaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properlyexpress their feelings when communicating with other employees. Withthis in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list ofcode phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue inan effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitivebrethren. Old Phrase New Phrase1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by................ 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don't more...

15 pieces of advice for women regarding men:
Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.
What do you do when your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door behind him.
If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.
Never let your man's mind wander. Its too small to be out on it's own.
Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyways.
Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
The definition of a bachelor is a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are do-it-yourself types.
The best way to get a man to do something is to say he's too old for it.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for more...

Regarding the story about the Kraft marshmallow dispenser:
David Letterman does a sketch entitled "Supermarket finds," where his
staff collects supermarket products and makes fun of them. Recently,
he displayed Kraft Marshmallows and their claim about being
"The official marshmallow of the Starship U.S.S. Enterprise.(TM)"
And he then remarked, "Funny, I thought that was William Shatner's job."

A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: "Use it on every conceivable occasion."

Facts that all budding Male Software Engineers (MSE) must know regarding Female Software Engineers (FSE) (Applicable to all SEs who have 0-3 years of experience in S/W industry.)
The probability that a FSE is beautiful is 0.004562314 and viceversa.
The miniscule proportion of the beautiful FSEs are either engaged or married.
An FSE will always ask a doubt to which you know the answer; to the MSE sitting next to you.
You will not know the answer to the doubt an FSE asks you.
An FSE will always phone you when you are not in your seat.
The probability that an FSE will send you an e-mail regarding something other than work is 0.0321459.
An MSE will always select an FSE in an interview if he feels she is more beautiful than his colleague FSEs. The probability that the FSE will get thru in the second round is 0.
An MSE will always brag about a beautiful FSE he selected in an interview. The probability that he will receive swear words after the FSE failed in more...