Regular Jokes / Recent Jokes

New Barbie dolls to represent the diversity of women in the 90's:
DIVORCED BARBIE
comes with all of Ken's accessories
TEENAGE SINGLE PARENT BARBIE
"welfare check" from Mattel mailed each month
CRACK ADDICT BARBIE
pipe included, sugar may be used to simulate crack cocaine
BOULEVARD BARBIE
with cheap makeup, short skirt, and high heels
LESBIAN BARBIE
Barbie with a butch
LIPSTICK LESBIAN BARBIE
actually no different in appearance from regular Barbie
BULIMOREXIA BARBIE
also no different in appearance from regular Barbie
BRUNETTE BARBIE
the only Barbie with a brain
QUANTUM PHYSICIST BARBIE
yeah, right
BOW-WOW BARBIE
the ugliest Barbie you've ever seen
PUNK BARBIE
has rings in all sorts of strange places
NAVY PILOT BARBIE
comes with a body bag, wrecked fighter jet sold separately
BREAST IMPLANT BARBIE
now Barbie's a D-cup
CANCER PATIENT BARBIE
remove the wig and Barbie's more...

The following is an actual excerpt from this month`s Forbe`s Magazine:
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of beer, wine etc., helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. more...

BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?
Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE
Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.
Customer: Depends on what?
Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
Customer: How about giving me an average price?
Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.
Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for more...

Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad? A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while a horney toad croaks "Rub-itRub-it"

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strongwell after midnight when one of the players returned fromthe bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchenmaking love to your wife." "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positivelythe last deal."

A young beautiful brunett French girl goes into a bar and she is
wearing this low cut black sleeveless dress.
She sits down and waves her arm at the bartenter and says "Oh
bartender" "May I have a scotch and soda please?!" (well we all know
French girls don't shave)
The regular drunk at the end of the counter says "Put the pretty
ballerina's drink on my tab" so the bartender does.
A little bit later The pretty girl waves her arm and says "Oh
Bartender" "May I have another scotch and soda please"
Again the regular drunk at the end of the counter says "Put the pretty
ballerina's drink on my tab"
and the bartender does.
Well...this goes on a few more times and then the bartender goes over
to the drunk and says
"why are you buying this girl all these drinks and how do you know
she's a ballerina?"
The regular drunk says "well, I think she's a pretty more...

And as the reindeer say before they tell you jokes. ...
These jokes will sleigh you!
Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was "elf"-taught!
'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because tow' Eds are better than one, of course!'
How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it!
How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the "deer"-bell!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-"deer"!
How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back!
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the more...