Reindeer And Elf Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do elves learn in school?
The elfabet.
Who is the most famous singing elf?
Elf Vis.
What is the most favorite elf pet?
An Elflephant?
What do elves do when a fellow elf falls down?
They elf em up.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
He had low Elf esteem.
What do you call an elf that likes to swim?
An elfin.
What do you call a stingy elf.
Elfish
How do elves get up into the workshop attic?
The Elflevator.
How do you describe an elf who refuses to take a bath?
Elfully smelly.
What do you call an elf who teaches english?
A subordinate Claus

GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER
by Irish Rovers (1986?)
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.
Grandma go run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's more...

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME....
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to
Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should've known -- ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Driver's swear. .... are you listenin', At the Mall. .... folks are gripein', A miserable sight. .... they're sorry tonite, Drivin' in New Jersey's TrafficLand!
Gone away. ..... are your tires,
meter has. ..... just expired,
They towed you away, while you shopped today,
Parkin' in New Jersey's TrafficLand!
On the Parkway we will have a breakdown,
We'll be stuck and threatened on the side,
If we're lucky, someone might come mug us,
And if we plead they may give us a ride!
Santa's sleigh. .... was impounded,
All the Elves. ..... were surrounded,
He's now in a cell. ... for ringin' his bell,
Living in New Jersey's TrafficLand!

It was the day after Christmas. The pastor of a church was looking over their Nativity scene when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures.
Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant,
Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?
The little boy replied, "I got him from the church.
"And why did you take him?"
The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas, I prayed to
the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red
wagon for Christmas, I would give him the first ride in it.