Rejected Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rejected Hallmark Cards:So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.Your computer is dead... it was once so alive Don't you regret installing Windows 95? You totalled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry?

"Rejected Holiday Specials"
As presented on the 12/10/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN "Gallagher Smashes Melons in Bethlehem" "A Creepy, Creepy Christmas with Michael Jackson" Fox TV's "When Reindeer Attack!" "A Country Holiday with Martha Stewart and a Bunch of Actors Pretending to Be Her Family" "The Grinch Who Nailed Mrs. Claus" "Christmas at Riker's Island: It's A Wonderful 10-Years-to-Life" "Bob Dole Remembers the Very First Christmas" "Skunk' n' Gator's Holiday Fiesta" "The President Who Ate Christmas" "Richard Simmons' Fruitcake Extravaganza"

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to the other applicant. ” “And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct, ” asked the rejected applicant. “We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed, ” said the department manager. “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other? ” the rejected applicant inquired. “Simple, ” said the department manager, “Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know. ’ You put down, ‘Neither do I. ’?

MORE REJECTED CHILDRENS BOOK TITLES:

1. Juggling Knives is Easy
2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven
3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things
4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want
5. "Whatcha' Doin'" the Wonderful Phrase
6. 101 Games to Play in the Road
7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Divingboard is the Flusher
8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blowdryer, and a Fork
9. POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games
10. Arthur Gets Hunted
11. Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi
12. Monsters Killed Grandpa
13. The hit sequel to "Elvis is your real dad" Mrs. Clause is your real Mom
14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul
15. All Guns Squirt Water
16. When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street
17. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite
18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain
19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish
20. 101 recipies more...

REJECTED HALLMARK CARDS


1. So your Daughters a hooker and it spoiled your day... look on the bright side, she's a really good lay.


2. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.


3. You had your Bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends.


4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I felt real snippy.


5. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.


6. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry

Top 12 Rejected Public Holidays

12 Start of Christmas Season Day
11 False Labor Day
10 Make a Move on Your Secretary Day
9 Hallmark Card Day
8 Bring Your Handgun to Work Day
7 Newtsmas
6 Deadbeat Father's Day
5 Bad Hair Day
4 Put Your Daughter To Work Day
3 Doris Day
2 St. Hooter's Day

and the Number 1 Rejected Public Holiday...

1 Hash Wednesday

A mathematician, an engineer and a physicist sat around a table discussing how to measure the volume of a cow.

The mathematician suggested the use of geometry and symmetry relationships of the cow, but his idea was rejected on the grounds of being too time consuming.

The engineer suggested placing the cow in a pool of water and measuring the change in the height of the water, but his idea was rejected on the grounds of impracticality.

"It's easy," said the physicist. "We'll make an asumption that the cow is a small sphere, calculate the volume and then blow it up to the actual size."