Rejected Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Bong Show Whose Pants Are These, Anyway? Iron Fry Cook Dating Game v6.05 - Techies attempt to impress dates by answering unsolved help desk questions. "Who" or "Whom"? To Tell the Precisely Defined, Legally Defensible, Lawyer-Approved, Carefully Chosen Truth Bowling for Gum Kathy Lee Gifford's "Who Wants To Make 50 Cents An Hour?" Leper-dy! Wheel of Fortran First Family Feud Who Wants To Be A Prison Bitch? Let's Bake A Veal and the Number 1 Rejected Game Show Idea...
Win Ben Stein's Undies

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing. He has replied to that as follows
_________
Deer sur,
If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.
This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.
I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.
I putted a complain on station masterji.
He said I to go to the lady clerk.
At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.
Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for more...

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE:
This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? ___________________________ If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married ____________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A more...

Application to date my daughter
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________ HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____ Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? __________ If NO, explain_________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Number of years married________If less than your age, Explain______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Do you own a van? _____ A truck with oversized tires? _____ A waterbed? __________ A pickup with a mattress in the back? more...

"Rejected Holiday Specials"
As presented on the 12/10/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
"Gallagher Smashes Melons in Bethlehem"
"A Creepy, Creepy Christmas with Michael Jackson"
Fox TV's "When Reindeer Attack!"
"A Country Holiday with Martha Stewart and a Bunch of Actors Pretending to Be Her Family"
"The Grinch Who Nailed Mrs. Claus"
"Christmas at Riker's Island: It's A Wonderful 10-Years-to-Life"
"Bob Dole Remembers the Very First Christmas"
"Skunk 'n' Gator's Holiday Fiesta"
"The President Who Ate Christmas"
"Richard Simmons' Fruitcake Extravaganza"

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."
"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
"Simple," said the Department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant."
"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.
"Simple," said the Department manager..."Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.'
You put down, 'Neither do I.'"