"Application to date my daughter" joke
Application to date my daughter
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________ HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____ Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? __________ If NO, explain_________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Number of years married________If less than your age, Explain______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Do you own a van? _____ A truck with oversized tires? _____ A waterbed? __________ A pickup with a mattress in the back? ______ A condom? ______ Pornography? _______ Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? ________ A tattoo? ___________ (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES) In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Church you attend______________________________________ How often you attend_______ When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest? _____________ Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. (that means I won't tell anyone EVER)
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be __________________________________________________________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __________________________________________________________ C: A woman's place is in the __________________________________________________________ D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __________________________________________________________ E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is __________________________________________________________ NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. What do you want to do IF you grow up __________________________________________________________________________ What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _______________ Condoms come in
A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OFTHE ABOVE (circleone) I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN HAND TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. _______________________________________ Signature (that means sign your name moron) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).
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