Rejection Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...

I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one jurassic geezer.)
I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
I've got a boyfriend
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
I don't date men where I work.
(Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.)
I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it more...

I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one jurassic geezer.)
I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
I've got a boyfriend
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
I don't date men where I work.
(Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.)
I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)
... and the number 1 rejection line given by women
Let's be more...

A wife arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her
husband in bed with a young lovely thing. Just as she was about to
storm out of the house her husband stopped her with these words.
Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. Driving
along the highway, I saw this young girl looking tired and bedraggled,
so I offered her a lift. She was hungry, so I brought her home and made
a meal from the roast you had forgotten in the refrigerator. She had
only some worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you
discarded because they were out of style. She was cold, so I gave her
the sweater I bought you for your birthday - the one you never wore
because the colours didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out, so I
gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but too small for
you now. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and
asked;
"Is there anything else that more...

I think of you as a sister.
(You're ugly.)
There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're ugly.)
I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You're ugly.)
My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly.)
I've got a girlfriend.
(You're ugly.)
I don't date women where I work.
(You're ugly.)
It's not you, it's me.
(You're ugly.)
I'm concentrating on my career.
(You're ugly.)
I'm celibate.
(You're ugly.)
... and the number 1 rejection line given by men
Let's be friends.
(You're sinfully ugly.)

> I'm sure you guys will find these amusing. ..
>
>
>
> > > >>>> Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
> > > >>>> (and what they actually mean)....
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> 1. I think of you as a brother.
> > > >>>> (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing
> qo3^> > >>>> geek in "Deliverance.")
> > > Ui: 6>>>>
> > > >>>> 2. There's a slight difference in our ages.
> > > >>>> (You are one jurassic geezer.)
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> 3. I'm not attracted to you in' that' way.
> > > >>>> (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid
> > > >>>> eyes upon.)
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> 4. My life is too complicated right now.
> > > >>>> (I don't want you spending the whole night
> > > >>>> or else you may hear phone calls from all
> > > >>>> the other guys I'm seeing.)
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> 5. I've got a boyfriend.
> > > >>>> (Who's really my male cat and a half more...

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.