Releasing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai. Demonstrate your skills! commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! What a feat! said the Emperor. Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do. The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered! That is skill! nodded the Emperor. How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai? Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, more...

The lonely and homely secretary is walking home from work one day when she spots a strange looking bottle by the side of the road. She picks it up and dusts it off, releasing a genie.
"I grant you one wish for releasing me!" Booms the genie.
The girl thinks about it and says, "I haven't had sex in two years. When I get home, I'd like to see my cat turned into a handsome, hunky man dedicated to me."
"So shall it be," says the genie, and with a flash of light he disappears.
So the secretary hurries home and finds a tall, handsome stud there. He rips off her clothes and carries her into the bedroom, laying her on the bed. He kisses her and rubs her neck until she's ready to explode.
"Take me NOW!" she gasps.
"I would, but you had me neutered last month."

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking or a big lunch, the outcome is the same: Farts.
Seventy percent of the time, we can dispense freely. The other 30% of the time, such as at work, we have some tough decisions to make. This document is intended to help you in those decisions.
Holders - The obvious choice is just plain holding it in. A popular choice among the females and an almost impossible choice for males. I am not in favor of holding, as I believe the medical community has not done enough research about the long-term damage of holding. Really, where does it go if you hold it in? So be forewarned, using this tactic is to be done at your own risk.
Desk Jockey - When deciding to release right at your desk, one has many factors to consider:
- Do you have your own office? Feel free to fart at will risk free. After commencing, I highly recommend locking the door and feigning you are not in the office to avoid any unwanted visitors. I also highly more...