Religion Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines."

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"

"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns.

"What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.

The third nun fainted.

--
From Cara

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."

A Sunday school class was being quizzed on the prodigal son. The teacher asked one youngster, "Who was sorry when the prodigal son returned home?"

The boy gave it a lot of deep thought, then said, "The fatter calf."

I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.

A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.

Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.

Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.

Why settle for the lesser of two evils?

Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic...

Here's to the sun God, He sure is a fun God, Ra, Ra, Ra

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? - Jules Feiffer

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

In the beginning, God created the Baptists. And the Baptists looked at themselves and said, "We good." And God saw it was too late.

Televangelists: The Pro more...

A minister told his congregation,' 'Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.'' The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.

He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said,' 'Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.''

An explosion killed a navy boilerman and he wound up in hell. Being used to stroking fires and extremely hot temperatures, he found hell actually quite comfortable. When satan went to check out the new arrival, he found him sitting in his room smiling. "You like this?", satan asked.

"Yes, sir", said the sailor, "this feels like a spring day to me."

Not wanting the new guy to be too comfortable, satan turned up the heat a lot. When he went back to see how his new arrival was doing, the sailor was still happy. He hadn't even broken a sweat.

"I like this kind of weather", he told satan. Satan decided to try something different. Rather than turn up the heat, he turned it off. He made the sailor's room form icicles. When he checked on the guy, the room was icy and he was shivering, but he had a grin from ear to ear.

"Why are you so happy?", satan demanded. "It's freezing in here!" more...

Nearly 1,000 clerics and scholars of Islam met in Pakistan to draft a response to the Pope's accusation that Islam is a religion spread "by the sword."
In their statement, the group comments that Islam is not spread by the sword alone, but it sure helps.