Religion Jokes / Recent Jokes

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand.... and try saying things like "Yes, I see," and "Yes, go on," and "I understand."

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No sh*t... what happened next??"

A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day... when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $10 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent.

She couldn't get him off her mind and, thinking that he might be in financial difficulties, she took the $10 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written,' Don't despair, Sister Eulalia,' and threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street.

The next day she was in her cell saying her beads when she was told that some man was at her door who insisted on seeing her.

She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of more...

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

' 'I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR...''

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said,' 'Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf.'' To which the little brother replied,' 'No, but Gramma is!''

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always more...

One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class"What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?" Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant topick on him she chose little Mary." I think your heart goes first because, that's were your emotionsof love are." "Very interesting." replied the teacher. Seeing no one else hadtheir hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him." I think your feet go up first." Confused but relieved the teacher said, "Why is that?" Johnny replied, "Once when I walked in my parents room I saw mydad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying "Oh God!"

A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff. Full of fear, he assessed his situation.

He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death. Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer. Again and again he cried out but to no avail.

Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there?"

A deep yet serene voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."

"Who is it?"

"It's God."

"Can you help me?"

"Yes, I can help."

"Please help me then!"

"Let go."

Looking around the man became full of panic. more...

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.

At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.

"I've been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.

"Well," said the older physician, "you've probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."

As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.

"You didn't even examine that woman," the younger doctor more...