Remember Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of hisregular teacher. She says, "Hello class, Im Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember ithas an "r" after the first letter."The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets tohis desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" afterthe first letter.""Thats right!" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

You Are No Longer "Cool" When

You find yourself listening to talk radio.

You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.

The pattern on your shorts and couch match.

You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.

You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.

You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.

You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.

You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.

When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.

When jogging is something you do to your memory.

Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.

All the cars behind you flash their more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Jewell!
Jewell who?
Jewell remember me when you see my face! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Jewell!
Jewell who?
Jewell know if you open the door! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Jewell!
Jewell who?
Jewell remember me once you open the door!

Remember, an alcoholic & a drunk are not the same thing at all. The alcoholic has to attend meetings.

GO PLACIDLY AMID THE NOISE AND waste and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet & passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself & heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys; know what to kiss & when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity & disillusionment & despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle & mutilate. Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with persons closest to you-that lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of more...

There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says
to the husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen
year old son about the birds and the bees.
So the father goes to his son's room and says, "Son, do you remember that
session I arranged for you with mademoiselle Ginette?"
"Oh yes papa, I remember very well," says the son.
"Well son, it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the
same thing."

Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting
older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of
mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and can't
remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a
sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself
standing on the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my
way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that
problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the
table... then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"