Rental Jokes

Netflix, the leading online movie rental company, is suing Blockbuster for patent infringement for their similar online rental system.
In their counter-suit, Blockbuster accused Netflix of stealing the patented Blockbuster in-store system of me going in to rent movies like Capote and Munich and settling for Madagascar and something with Ross from Friends.

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
Drum on every available surface.
Remove every line of someone`s. newsrc file except the entry for alt. sex. fetish. hamster. duct-tape.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people`s backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Set alarms for random times.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet more...

Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222.02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 6.11CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX 12.22 4.44 1.11 1.16 1.61UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX 2.22 1.11 1.98 3.93 0.98CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE 0.69 8.32 3.46 3.46 5.00NO PARKING FEE F.I.C.A. T.G.I.F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS. 10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85 16.23DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS. 2.50 0.25 3.41 4.50 4.33FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL 0.11 6.85 66.51 3.06 16.85CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES 4.32 4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME 121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00 8.00MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT 7.00 6.00 4.44 12.21OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING 10.02 16.54 38.23 51.42 46.83MISC169.24TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02

Gross pay: $
1222.02
Income Tax
244.40 Outgo Tax
45.21 State Tax
61.10 Interstate Tax
5.89 County Tax
6.11 City Tax
12.22 Rual Tax
4.44 Back Tax
1.11 Front Tax
1.16 Side tax
1.61 Up Tax
2.22 Down Tax
1.11 Knickknack Tax
1.98 Hackensack Tax
3.93 Thumbtax
0.98 Carpet Tax
0.69 Snack Tax
8.32 Surtax
3.46 Ma'am Tax
3.46 Parking Fee
5.00 No Parking Fee
10.00 F.I.C.A.
81.88 T.G.I.F
9.95 Life Ins.
5.85 Health Ins.
16.23 Disability Ins.
2.50 Ability Ins.
0.25 Liability Ins.
3.41 Dental Ins.
4.50 Mental Ins.
4.33 Fundamental Ins.
0.11 Coffee
6.85 Coffee Cups
66.51 Calendar Rental
3.06 Floor Rental
16.85 Chair Rental
4.32 Desk Rental
4.32 Union Dues
5.85 Union Don'ts
3.77 Cash Advances
0.69 Cash Retreats
121.35 Overtime
1.26 Undertime
54.83 Eastern Time
9.00 Central Time
8.00 Mountain Time
7.00 Pacific more...

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.
YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own more...