Repeat Jokes / Recent Jokes

this is how you keep an idiot busy...
peat and repeat where on a boat peat fell off who was left?
answer? (repeat)
peat and repeat where on a boat peat fell off who was left?
answer? (repeat)
peat and repeat where on a boat peat fell off who was left?
(your answer will always be repeat and you will always tell a person to "repeat")

The five questions are:
"What are you thinking?"
"Do you love me?"
"Do I look fat?"
"Do you think she is prettier than me?"
"What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode
into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which
is to say, dishonestly. For example:
1. "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been
pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring,
thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to
have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was
really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
Baseball
Football
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How he would more...

You've seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts
of contraptions. Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment.
If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to
get in shape now!!! The following exercises can be done anywhere,
anytime.
Inner Thighs: Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs. Press
tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs who
favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be
damaged.
Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out
of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this
exercise is reversed - onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and
so on.
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from
unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him, they're
certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when more...

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word more...

1.When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love That.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness(or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be", repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian more...

Hi Gigglers:
For the past two months I haven't had very much time to submit anything to the list, but today I made the time.
Today is Friday the thirteenth as you all know. It is a day where over 21 million Americans stay home due to superstition.
Superstition: n: beliefs or practices resulting from ignorance, fear of the unknown, or trust in magic or chance.
In Quebec, the number 13 is fifth on the list of superstsitions. Knocking on wood is number one.
The number 13 happens to be a number of luck. Whether good luck or bad luck depends on the person who beleives in its power. I heard today that Italians consider the number 13 as being good for luck and Americans consider it bad luck (at least most Americans do).
Until today, Friday the 13th has always been a day of good luck. This morning as I was scraping the ice off the windows of my car, a police car drove up beside my car on the street. He rolled down the window and asked me in French (being from Montreal) more...

THE BRAINS TRUST PRESENTS:
"PRETZEL EATING IN SAFETY AND COMFORT"
A Guide for the Dangerously Stupid
======================================
Congratulations on purchasing a bag of "Mr Salty" Pretzels.
Correctly used, these salty snacks should provide minutes of healthy enjoyment, however, in order to derive optimum pleasure, and minimal injury, we do recommend that the following procedure is studied and followed.
YOU WILL NEED
1 x comfortable chair
1 x bag of pretzels (contents approximately 24 pretzels)
1 x television receiving equipment, tuned to the sporting event of your choice
Up to 3 dogs - cats or other pets are NOT RECOMMENDED and could be DANGEROUS
STEP 1. OPENING THE BAG
This is a relatively simple procedure, but care needs to be taken nonetheless, so follow the steps carefully.
1. Take hold of the TOP of the bag at EITHER SIDE between FOREFINGER AND THUMB, taking care not to slash your wrists open on the more...