Repeat Jokes / Recent Jokes

When you take the bus...
Repeat #1, only engage in a duppy war with the bus driver. (For those that do not know what a duppy is, it involves making a cup with your hand, farting in it and slipping it directly into the face of some unsuspecting friend.)

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.5) Improvise Italian operas.6) Gossip about someone to their face.7) Answer every question with a question.8) Repeat yourself constantly.9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.10) Repeat yourself constantly.11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.12) Repeat yourself constantly.13) Change what you repeat every now and then.14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.15) Change what you repeat every now and then.16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.18) Change what you repeat every now and then.19) One word: Caffeine.20) Another word or two: Caffeine more...

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY A repeat offender got alife sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Martstore. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard - which turned hispetty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than threeyears ago, Florida's repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for lifewithout the possibility of parole.INSULT TO INJURY An unemployed sanitationworker in Miami is also facing life in prison - for shooting himself in the privates. Ina drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun wentoff, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someoneelse had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in hisunderwear. Cops ruled the shooting accidental, but the man more...

Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off so who is left? Repeat.

Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
Open door and remove cat from closet.
Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc...
Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
Remove present from bag.
Remove cat from bag.
Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat more...

LYRICS:
Simply take one word or phrase from each of the three columns below, in order to make one line. Repeat randomly four times. Repeat process again twice to make chorus. Repeat last line 17 times. Don't worry if they don't make sense.
Column 1Column 2Column 3
Move itTriple BeatThe City Streets
Get UpBody HeatYou'll be Humpin
Pump It UpFeel the BeatBefore the Night is Over
Get DownGet AroundShake your Meat
Shake itThe Joint Is JumpinBustin Loose
Pump the JamFeet are StompinDisco Heat
BACKBEAT:
Program a drum machine in neverending 4/4 time. Add occasional snare.
BODY:
Add monotonous bass in one key. Overlay with punchy sounding synth. Get previously unknown singer to talk the lyrics so as not to test the range of the vocal chords.
PRODUCTION:
Put above ingredients together on master tape. Press discs. Give the label a suitably techno-funk sounding name, like "Mixmastermeatbeaters". Sell 5 million copies to more...

CLERK: Please repeat after me; "I swear by Almighty God,"
WITNESS: "I swear by Almighty God."
CLERK: "That the evidence that I give,"
WITNESS: That's right.
CLERK: Repeat it.
WITNESS: "Repeat it."
CLERK: No! Repeat what I said.
WITNESS: What you said when?
CLERK: "That the evidence that I give,"
WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give,"
CLERK: "Shall be the truth, and,"
WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!
CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know.
CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and."
CLERK: Say: "Nothing."
WITNESS: Okay.
(Witness remains silent.)
CLERK: No! Don't say nothing. Say: "Nothing but the truth."
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK: Can't you more...