Report Jokes / Recent Jokes

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

Santa: banta i want to scare my father how should i? Banta: just show him my report card.

According to a report issued by the Deprtment of Education, 32 million US adults are functionally illiterate. A spokesperson for George Bush said the President has received the report, but he is waiting for an aide to read it to him.

"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested. "Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer. "I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."

A young man came home with a terribly unsatisfactory report card in January. "Oh dear," said his mother, "what is the trouble?"
"There isn't any trouble," said the boy. "You know yourself things always get marked down after the holidays."

Name: _______________ Stage name: ________________ Agent: ______________ Attorney: __________________ Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ___both If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___ Please list brand of cell phone: __________________ (If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.) Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead Please indicate activities you perform while driving: Check all that apply) [ ] Eating [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the back seat [ ] Having sex [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application) [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety magazine [ ] Surfing the net via laptop Please indicate how many times a) You expect to shoot at other drivers: _____ b) How more...

A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my drivers license and would like to use the family car."Father replies,: "O. K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then well see."Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. Ive been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"Father replies, "Thats all true, but son you didnt cut your hair."Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."Father replies, "Yes, son, youre perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."