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REPORTER: "You talk about the general threat toward Americans....And people ask us, what is it they're supposed to be on the lookout for?...What are Americans supposed to look for and report to the police or to the FBI?"
BUSH: "You know, if you find a person that you've never seen before getting in a crop-duster that doesn't belong to you, report it...."Press Conference, 10/11/01
A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies,: "O. K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see." Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?" Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair." Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair." Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."
Little Johnny Clever was in Mrs. Gleason's 3rd grade class for just a couple of weeks when he ran home to his mom and showed her a little 3x3 piece of paper. It had the word "Homework" crossed out in a circle with a slash (the very same you see with no smoking signs)
"What is this?" The mother said inquiringly.
"Its a no homework pass mommy! I raised my hand the most in class. All you have to do is sign it and I dont have to do any homework for tonight!" says Johnny excitedly!
'Well thats a good thing to keep kids interested in the subject and class participation. I bet this teacher's been teaching for quite a while!' thought his mother as she signed the slip for him.
So the next day Johnny comes home again just as excited. He won another no homework pass. His mother was starting to be very proud. This happened every day for the whole nine weeks.
On report card day, Johnny came home with a D and she started to wonder if maybe he more...
- When the general comes, report to me immediately. The general doesnt show. The sergeant gets nervous and every hour reminds the sentry to report about the generals arrival. Finally, the general comes in.- Where have you been? asks the sentry. The sergeant has already asked about you four times.
Dad: Why is your January report card so bad?
Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas!
Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
Q: How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five-one to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.
Q: How many GLC workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. more...
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldnt you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGraths mother died. Youd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for more...