Responded Jokes / Recent Jokes
Our Santa, a Japanese and a Britisher were lost in the desert.
They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down. Because they had nothing else, they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey.
The Japanese took the radiator, the Britisher took the seat, and our Santa took the door.
After a while of walking the Britisher asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."
Next our Santa asked the Britisher "Why did you bring the seat?" So the Britisher said "If I get tired, I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."
Finally the Japanese asked our Hero why he had chosen the door. Santa quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water.
The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you more...
God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule. You will work constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 35 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 35 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."
And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You are dog. You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years."
The dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years."
And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown more...
After a caller gave a technician her PCs serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said shed be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
Hunting Flies" He responded.
Oh!, Killed any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".
A shy fellow goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour he finally gets enough courage and goes over and ask her if she would like to chat for a while. She responded by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight! ” Everyone in the bar stared at them. The fellow was hopelessly and completely embarrassed, slinking back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walked over to him and apologized. She said “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studding how people react to embarrassing situations. ” To this the fellow responded at the top of his lungs “What do you mean £500. 00, you must be out of your mind!!!!! ”
One day a woman went to her pastor and asked, "Pastor there are some things in life that aren't addressed in the Bible; how are we supposed to deal with them.
The Pastor responded, "There are no such things, give me an example of what you are talking about".
The woman responded, "PMS is not in the Bible". So the Pastor thought and told the woman to call back in the morning and he would have the answer.
The woman called the next morning and asked if the Pastor had an answer about PMS in the Bible.
The Pastor replied, "Yes, it's the part where Mary rides Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!!!".