Responding Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1998 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are evil and expensive. It’s only fair that since they are minors and not my responsibility that the government (who evidently is taxing me more to care for these waifs) knows something about them and what to expect over the next year. You may apply next year to reassign them to me and reinstate the deduction. This year they are yours!

By Nicholas Petreley
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the more...

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
Windows 95 for my PC
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not more...

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Windows 98 for my PC
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 more...

Wondering If Windows 95 Will Live Long and Phosphor
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you more...