Eighty Jokes

A MegaLaw visitor submission:

A man confers with his cardiologist about some serious heart problems. Upon examination, the cardiologist confirms that the man requires a heart transplant. He informs his patient of this frightening news, but tells him not to worry:

"Fortunately for you, sir, we have two hearts available for transplant immediately. Not only is there no waiting list for these organs, but you actually have the opportunity to choose between the two. The first is from a twenty-three year old triathelete. The second is from an eighty year old attorney. Now, my good man, I think your decision should be rather simple. But, nevertheless, which do you choose?"

"The attorney's heart, of course."

"You cannot be serious. You actually select the heart of an eighty year old man versus that of a much younger man accustomed do running and biking hundreds of miles? What, may I ask, is your more...

My grandmother is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... She drinks straight out of the carton.

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . Windows 95 for my PCOn the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 2 GPFsand Windows 95 for my PCOn the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 3 ports not responding2 GPFsand Windows 95 for my PCOn the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 4 sectors bad3 ports not responding2 GPFsand Windows 95 for my PCOn the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 5 eighty six4 sectors bad3 ports not responding2 GPFsand Windows 95 for my PCOn the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 6 ints conflictin'5 eighty six4 sectors bad3 ports not responding2 GPFsand Windows 95 for my PCOn the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 7 files missin'6 ints conflictin'5 eighty six4 sectors bad3 ports not responding2 GPFsand Windows 95 for my PCOn the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 8 Megs overflowin'7 files missin'6 ints conflictin'5 eighty six4 sectors bad3 ports more...

The eighty year old man had gone to see his doctor for pre-marriage tests.
"I'm marrying a twenty year old", he said.
"Why are you doing that?", asked the doctor.
"I want a son and heir. Can you give me any advice?"
"Yes, get a lodger", said the doctor, smirking. A few months later, the old fellow returned to the doctor.
"Is your wife pregnant yet?", queried the doctor.
"Yes".
"So you did take in a lodger?"
"Oh yes", replied the old man, "and she's pregnant too!"

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out! " "Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No. .. not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all." "Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6: 30." With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six more...