Crap Jokes

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"No...not really. I pee every morning at 6:00 am. I piss like a race horse; no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a crap?" asked the 70-year-old.

"Well, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30 am."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old more...

2 men were out camping. At about 3:00 one man had to go to the bathroom. There were no toilets around and the men had no toilet paper! The man took a crap in the forest, but then had noting to wipe his butt with. He asked his friend what to do, and his friends said to wipe his butt with a 1 dollar bill. 5 minutes later the man came back with crap all over his hands. The friend asked what happened and the man said, "I didn't have a 1 dollar bill, so I used 4 quarters!"

There were these people and there names were Shut-up crap and manners they driving down a highway and were speeding crap seen something out the window and jumped to get it so manners went after him so shut-up was all alone. Shut-up was speeding and a cop pulled him over and said whats your name he was like Shut-up and the cop was like whats your name he was like Shut-up and the cop was like wheres your manners Shut-up was like 5 miles back picking up crap!!

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6: 00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6: 30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this
straight. You pee every morning at 6: 00 and crap every morning at 6: 30.
So what's so tough about being more...

There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap.They were really bored, so they decided to run a race. During the race, Crap fell down, and Manners stopped to help him. But Shutup ran so fast the police caught him. Here's how the conversation went:Police Officer #1: "What's your name?"Shutup: "Shutup."Police Officer #2: "Where's your manners?"Shutup: Back there picking up Crap!"