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Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.
The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"
He gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"
Still no response.
The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"
The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time.
"Earthling take me to your leader!"
No response.
The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then more...

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"He gets no response.The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"Still no response.The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time."Earthling take me to your leader!"No response.The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy.He then says to the more...

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and looked around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.
The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!" He gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!" Still no response.
The first Alien then turns to the second and says "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"
The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third time. "Earthling take me to your leader!" No response.
The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump.
After the explosion the Alien gets up dusts himself off then goes down more...

"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" - Asked of a waitress.
"Just the chicken." - The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup.
"Would you like cream and sugar with that?" - Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.
"Do you want cheese on that?" - Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger.
"You want fries with that?" - Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover.
"Do you want onions on that?" - A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola.
"Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?"
"Do you get rice with your fried rice?"
"I'm sorry, we only have six inch and foot long subs." - A waitress, when asked for a 12 inch sub.
"Would you like to care for a cup of coffee?" - A waitress.
"Which of these more...

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a' cheers for the sex would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

5. The only show opposite' Monday Night Football' would be' Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.'

6. Instead of' beer-belly,' you'd get' beer-biceps.'

7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example - Cop:' You know how fast you were going?' You:' All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.' Cop: Nice one, that's $20 off.'

10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

11. Every more...

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don`t think my wife`s hearing isn`t as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure.
When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn`t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What`s for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what`s for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of more...