Restaurant Jokes / Recent Jokes

Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded.

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collarand is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie anddiscovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

Three chaps - an American, a Chinese, and a German - were shipwrecked on a deserted island. The German found a smoky bottle, so he brought it back to the other two, and they all opened it together. Well, out popped a Genie! The Genie granted them each one wish under a condition he wanted to tell them later. Of course, all three wanted to be back home.
The Genie said he would grant them their wishes. "But first, you must all do me a favor. Mr. American, I want you to build me a restaurant here. Mr. German, you will make the kitchen for this restaurant. Mr. Chinaman, you will get the supplies for the restaurant. I will return in one month. At that time, if you have satisfied my requirements, I will grant your wishes."
The German and the American started their work immediately. But the Oriental just sat relaxed and enjoyed life. The others warned him to start his work, but he replied, "I will do my wolk. Do not wolly."
Then, about four days before the more...

> >ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING......... By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz
> >
> > Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always
> > in a good mood and always had something positive to say.
> > When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,
> > "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
> >
> > He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who
> > had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason
> > the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a
> > natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was
> > there telling the employee how to look on the positive side
> > of the situation.
> >
> > Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to
> > Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all
> >of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied,
> >
> > "Each more...

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.

The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "wheres the toilet?" "Go down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on in."

This two ladies, one with red hair and the other one blond, went to a nice restaurant to have lunch.
The waiter asks the blonde if she would like something to drink and she ordered a pepsi. And the lady with the red hair, oredered a double bols and coke.
After the waiter have left, the blond says that she was'nt aware that she could have order anything like that.
When the waiter returned with the orders, she asked him to cancel the pepsi, and bring something else instead. Sure the waiter replied, what will it be then?
Two dicks and a pepsi please!