Restaurants Jokes

(tip: don't try these if you're not willing to risk being beaten up) 1. Poke the person next to you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother. 2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly. 3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.) 4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying. 5. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their food back.

More than 32 Million Americans Could Benefit
MIAMI, FL, March 31 -- Burger King Corporation today announced the launch of the new Left Handed WHOPPER, which will become available nationwide tomorrow. America's most preferred premium hamburger will feature the trademark build of lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, mayonnaise, ketchup and 4-ounce flame broiled hamburger patty, but the newly designed sandwich has been re-engineered to fit more comfortably in the left hand, thereby reducing condiment "spills" for left-handed hamburger lovers. It is estimated that more than 1. 4 million left-handed customers visit U. S. Burger King restaurants each day.
The new left-handed sandwich will have all condiments rotated 180 degrees, thereby redistributing the weight of the sandwich so that the bulk of the condiments will skew to the left, thereby reducing the amount of lettuce and other toppings from spilling out the right side of the burger.
"We have always been more...

If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support.
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try
eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What
kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration
problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to
do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you
noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup
of the more...

If restaurants functioned like shrink-wrapped (Microsoft) software:
Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?! Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one more...

If restaurants functioned like shrink-wrapped (Microsoft) software:
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the more...