Result Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.It's illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas. Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw" Oral sex is considered to be sodomy. Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot. Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.At Arkansas State University two people cannot hold hands while standing in a doorway unless they belong to a union. In Arkansas it is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.An Arkansas legislator not long ago proposed that the state provide growth hormones to dwarfs. Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill "any living creature". Little Rock: Dogs more...

Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later. Prefers three left turns to one right turn. Pressure's up, but there's a slow leak somewhere. Produces a zero-length core dump. Proof God has a sense of humor. Proof of Einstein's theory that there is no limit to human stupidity. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Put a lens in each ear and you've got a telescope. Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn't annoying. Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway. Qualifies for the mental express line -- five thoughts or less. -- MacNelly Quotes entire letters/articles as responses and hides her one line of wisdom in the middle. Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he'd come in third. Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk. Reads her newspaper back-to-front. Reads Homer in the original Greek, but doesn't know Greek. Ready to check in at the HaHa Hilton. Ready to join the Anti-Mensa more...

Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.(Dumb Laws - California)

The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him"):
1. FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet been terminated.
Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a chance to get anywhere.
2. INDEMNIFICATION OF FRIENDS: Both parties agree to hold the person who arranged the liaison (colloquially referred more...

A young, enthusiastic Family Planning official was deputed to gauge the success of the Family Planning message in rural Bihar.
He reached a remote village which proudly housed a family of eight children. On reaching the house, he saw the father lazily enjoying a hookah in the shade of a neem tree. In a dignified manner the official introduced himself, and asked "Sir, hadn't you thought about our Family Planning methods before you had these eight kids!"

"Why should I?" he replied angrily. "The methods are all useless!" jeered the hefty Bihari.

"But, Sir, have you tried using condoms?" enquired the official.

Without responding to his question, the Bihari called two of his children rowing in the dirt. "Oye, Bablu, Dablu, come here!" Then he addressed the official. "Can you see them! They are the result of a torn condom!"

Saving his pride, the official replied, "Ok, Sir, you more...

Microsoft has just released it's update to TimeTraveller 1. 0 (TM), the popular computer application that turns Pentium-based PCs into time machines.
The first version of TimeTraveller, Microsoft now concedes, was not without problems. Unhappy users from around the world flooded the support line with calls. "My son was trying to go back a week earlier to do his history final a second time," one unhappy father from Johannesburg reportedly complained, "and he ended smack dab in the middle of the Boer War. What key do I push do get him back?" A caller from Bristol grumbled that his wife had got stuck a few hours in the past. "Me an' the missus can't agree on tea-time anymore," he grumbled, "an' she throws out the Guardian before it even arrives. "
TimeTraveller 1. 02 addresses the glitches that plagued the first release. The legions of women who lost technogeek partners to distant eras have been promised complementary copies of Widows' more...

Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...

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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT

The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.

Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.

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INTRODUCTION

The more...