Return Jokes / Recent Jokes

You hand an envelope to the bank teller and when she asks, "What's this?" you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in the mail and gave her your mail.
While your boss is at lunch, you sneak into his office and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.
As a woman enters the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, "I waited on the last fat, ugly, old wench. This one's yours!" Your boss is standing behind you. It's his wife.
You return from a week's vacation only to find that you had actually scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.
You take a *sick* day. When you return to work the next morning your boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing at Rock Creek yesterday?"
You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and scraped knuckles. Your underwear is missing. You're in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

Three nuns die and go to heaven. They are met at the pearly gates by St.
Peter, who tells them they led such good lives they will be permitted to
return to earth as anyone they want.
The first nun thinks it over and says
"I'd like to return as Sophia Loren."
St. Peter says "Fine, you can return as Sophia Loren."
The second nun thinks and says "I'd like to be Gina Lollabrigida."
St. Peter says "No problem, you can return as Gina Lollabrigida."
The third nun says "I think I'd like to be Virginia Pipeline."
St. Peter says, "Hmmm, I don't think I know of anyone named Virginia
Pipeline."
At which point the third nun shows him the headline from the morning
paper: "Virginia Pipeline Laid by 25 Men"

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a more...

Three nuns die and go to heaven. They are met at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who tells them they led such good lives they will be permitted to return to earth as anyone they want.The first nun thinks it over and says "I'd like to return as Sophia Loren."St. Peter says "Fine, you can return as Sophia Loren."The second nun thinks and says "I'd like to be Gina Lollobrigida."St. Peter says "No problem, you can return as Gina Lollobrigida."The third nun says "I think I'd like to be Virginia Pipeline."St. Peter says, "Hmmm, I don't think I know of anyone named Virginia Pipeline?"At which point the third nun shows him the headline from the morning paper: "Virginia Pipeline Laid by 25 Men"

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo.

After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom’s. Explain to the tux shop what you’re up to. Pick up the groom’s fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.

The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don’t reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of more...

An Amish boy was driving his horse-drawn buggy to town when he was stopped by a highway patrol officer.
"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer, "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee," said the Amish boy, "I shall have my father repair it as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed that one of the reins to your horse is tied around your horse's testicles. Some might consider this to be 'cruelty to animals' so you'd best have your father check this, too."
"Again I thank thee," said the Amish boy, "I shall have my father check this also when I return home."
True to his word, when the Amish boy got home he told his father about the broken reflector and his father said that he would repair it immediately.
"Also," said the Amish boy, "the policeman said that more...