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Santa Claus brings poor Rudolph to the vet. He says to the vet, "Doctor, please do something for my Rudolph. His nose won't light up."
The vet walks out of the room and returns with a pet carrier. He places the pet carrier next to the reindeer, opens it and out steps a cat.
The cat walks around the reindeer and sniffs it.
The cat then walks back into the carrier. The animal doctor takes it out of the room and returns. He hands Santa Claus the bill.
Santa gasps, "$350 dollars! You didn't do anything for my Rudolph and you're charging me $350 dollars?"
The vet shrugged and replied, "That's the usual charge. $50 dollars for the office visit and $300 dollars for the CAT SCAN."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one dusty, dry, Wild West day and proceed to the first saloon, where they tie up their trusty steeds and head in for a snort.
After a while a stranger walks into the bar and asks, ‘who owns the white horse tied up outside? ’
The Lone Ranger said, ‘Why, that would be mine. Why do you ask? ’
‘Because it? collapsed and looks like it’s dying, ’ says the stranger.
So the Lone Ranger and Tonto head out to check on Silver.
‘He’s probably just suffering from the heat, ’ says the Lone Ranger, who asks Tonto if he could run around Silver for a while to help keep him cool.
The Lone Ranger returns to the bar and after half an hour another stranger walks in and asks, ‘who owns the white horse outside? ’
The Lone Ranger says, ‘That’s mine, what’s the problem this time? ’
‘Oh, no problem, ’ says the stranger, ‘it’s just that you’ve left your injun running. ’

This cowboy is riding the range when he gets ambushed by some indians. they take him back to their villiage to see the chief. the chief looks at the cowboy and says:
“You white man, you will die at sundown, but chief is not as evil as white man, so you gettum three wishes.
” what is your first wish?, the cowboy looks around, thinks, then, with a gulp, say: “well, can i talk to my horse o’ great chief?
“The chief looks puzzled, laughs to his tribe and says “he-he, sure white man you can talk to your horse”. so the cowboy goes to his horse and wispers in it’s ear, the horse looks puzzled, but then with bright eyes it gallops off in a cloud of dust. the indians just sit and laugh at the cowboy for wasting his wish. but, all of a sudden the horse returns with a blonde riding upon its back. the indians look amazed. the chief grins, points to a secluded teepee. the cowboy now looks embarrassed, so he takes the blonde and goes into the teepee. an hour later he more...

An office manager was sent three secretaries, equally qualified, to fill one vacancy. "Well," thought the manager, "I'll give them an honesty test to determine which secretary to keep."
To this end, he gave each secretary a money bag to take and bank telling them that there was $50 in the bag. (In fact, he had placed $100 in each bag; thus the honesty test.)
The first secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50 and returns the extra $50 to the manager.
The second secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks the full $100, and returns with a deposit slip as proof.
The third secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50, goes to the local TAB and uses the $50 to win $300, then returns, explains to the manager and gives him the all the money.
Question: Which secretary does the manager select to retain?
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Answer: Well, DUH!...The one with the biggest more...

An office manager was sent three secretaries, equally qualified, to fill one vacancy. "Well," thought the manager, "I'll give them an honesty test to determine which secretary to keep."To this end, he gave each secretary a money bag to take and bank telling them that there was $50 in the bag. (In fact, he had placed $100 in each bag; thus the honesty test.)The first secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50 and returns the extra $50 to the manager.The second secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks the full $100, and returns with a deposit slip as proof.The third secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50, goes to the local TAB and uses the $50 to win $300, then returns, explains to the manager and gives him the all the money.Question: Which secretary does the manager select to retain??? Answer: Well, DUH!...The one with the biggest breasts!

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to theblind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read themenu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previouscustomer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirtydish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns tothe blind man's table and hands it to him. The blindman puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deepbreath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf andmashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walkstowards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner'swife and he tells her what had just happened. The blindman eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the ownermistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man.""I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you adirty fork." The owner again more...

A man and his wife are awoken at 3 o''clock in the morning by a knock on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is asking for a push.

"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It''s three o''clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just a stranger asking for a push" he answers.

"Did you help him? she asks.

"No I didn''t -- it''s three in the morning"

"Well you''ve got a short memory" says his wife, "Can''t you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us?. I think you should help him."

The man does as he is told and returns to the front door and calls out into the dark "Hello -- are you still there?"

"Yes", comes the answer.

"Do you still want a push?" calls out the more...