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1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.
1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.
1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.
1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.
1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.
1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as more...

A blonde goes to a doctors office and askes the nurse if she has any grapes. The nurse says "this is a doctors office we dont have any grapes." The blonde apologizes and leaves.
The next day she returns and again asks the nurse for grapes. The nurse says "madam, I still dont have any grapes." The same blonde returns for 5 days straight and asks for grapes every time. On the 5th day the nurse says "no and the next time you come here and ask for grapes I will staple your feet to the floor." The next day the blonde comes back and says "excuse me nurse do you have any staples? " The nurse says "no." In that case, the blonde asks "do you have any grapes?"

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsbroken and considerable damage. Theres no sign of theoffending vehicle but hes relieved to see that theres anote stuck under the windshield wiper."Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who sawthe accident are nodding and smiling at me because they thinkIm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But Im not."

A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom...so the man stands up to let her out.
She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
She returns again, and immediately sneezes, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.
The man, a little tired of jumping up so often...asks her: "You keep sneezing, what's the problem?"
The woman replies: "I have a rare condition...every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."
He says, "Oh... what are you taking for it?"
She says: "Pepper."

A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom...so the man stands up to let her out.She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to go to the bathroom.She returns again, and immediately sneezes, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.The man, a little tired of jumping up so often...asks her: "You keep sneezing, what's the problem?"The woman replies: "I have a rare condition...every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."He says, "Oh... what are you taking for it?"She says: "Pepper."

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out.
The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man returns, to follow him.
Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.
"So did you follow him?"
"Yes, I did."
"And...where did he go?"
"Over to your house..."

The following is only a kind-of-lawyer joke, but I thought it should be included anyway. It is provided courtesy of Jim McNulty, a constable with the Strathclyde Police Force in Scotland:
I was recently at a CID Special services annual smoker where one of the speakers was a well known Indian lawyer. One of my colleagues told a great story in response to some of the lawyers speech: The lawyer is apparently a great fan of very hot curries, so after a trying day in court he heads home via the local takeaway where he orders his usual extra hot vindaloo. He gets it home and pours it onto a metal plate, being careful not to spill it on the table in case it burns a hole through it. He goes to the fridge for some beer and returns to find that his cat has eaten the entire curry meal.
Normally a peaceable person, he is incensed by this, and he grabs the unfortunate animal, which he throws into a sack, weighed down by various law books which he has never read anyway. He puts the sack more...