Riddle Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them more...

Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
A: Made a website!

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

Q: "Waiter, will my pizza be long?"
A: "No sir, it will be round!"

Q: "What is white, has a horn, and gives milk?"
A: A dairy truck!

Q: In which school do you learn to make ice cream?
A: Sundae School.

Q: How do you make a milk shake?
A: Give it a good scare!

Q: What is a cow's favorite day?
A: Moo-years Day!

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts!

Q: Why are graveyards noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin!

Q: Why couldn't the athlete listen to her music?
A: Because she broke the record!

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and quackers!

Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A. Sunday, of more...

What's the best name for a cat?

It doesn't matter -- they never come when you call.

----------------
What do you call a dog with no ears?

Anything you want......he can't hear what your saying!!!

Q: How does a drunken Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?

A: Very satisfying

Q: What did the ghost buy for his house?
A: Home moaner's insurance!

Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
A: Law school!

Q: What's in a ghosts nose?
A: Boo-gers!

How do you spot Ronald McDonald on a naked beach?

He's the one with the sesame seed buns.

Q: what's black and white and balck and white and black and white?
A: a penguin rolling down a hill

Q: what's black and white and laughing?
A: the penguin that pushed him