Rifles Jokes

Q. How did they advertise surplus W. W. II Italian rifles for sale?A. "Never fired, and only dropped once."

Two lawyers took a long safari vacation in the African Bush. One day, they took a rest, removed their packs, and leaned their rifles against a tree. They were startled when a large, hungry-looking lion emerged from the jungle and began eyeing them with anticipation. It was clear that the lawyers' rifles were too far away to do them any good. One lawyer began to remove his shoes, and was asked by the other why he was doing that. The man replied, "Because I can run faster without them." The first lawyer told him, "I don't care how fast you can run, you'll never outrace that lion." The now-barefoot man told him, "I don't have to outrun the lion. I just have to outrun you."

Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom
''This is a magic broom - point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die.'' Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out.
''Don't worry.'' said the man issuing them out. ''I will give you this magic carrot - point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle with a broom and carrot, when the sirens go off, signaling invasion. Bob goes out, only to be laughed at by the enemy. One enemy even comes up to him, hoping to get a good shot at him. Well, Bob didn't have anything to lose so he pointed at him and said ''Bangity bangity bang!'' and the guy more...

Well, it seems that these three fellows, an American, a German and a
[ethnic], are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. As the
final hour approachs, each man is trying to think of a way to escape his
inevitable doom. The time comes for the execution and the American is
brought first in front of the firing squad. As the blindfold is being tied
around his head, he decides that he will attempt his escape by diverting
the attention of his executioners at the final moment, and then running
away.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8,... "
Just before the officer reaches "1," the American shouts,
"Flood!"
Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around
searching for the onrush of water. In all of this confusion, the American
manages to take off his blindfold and run away. By the time the
executioners are aware of what happened, the more...

= Your Favorite Ethnic Minority.
Well, it seems that these three fellows, an American, a German
and a , are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. As
the final hour approachs, each man is trying to think of a way to escape
his inevitable doom. The time comes for the execution and the American
is brought first in front of the firing squad. As the blindfold is
being tied around his head, he decides that he will attempt his escape
by diverting the attention of his executioners at the final moment, and
then running away.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown:
"10, 9, 8,... " Just before the officer reaches "1," the American
shouts, "FLOOD!!" Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their
rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of water. In all of this
confusion, the American manages to take off his blindfold and run away.
By the time the executioners are aware of more...