Ring Jokes / Recent Jokes
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
A boy came back from school and noticed that his father was wearing his weeding ring at the wrong finger. He asked his father, "Why are you wearing your ring on the wrong hand and finger?" And the father said,"Because I married the wrong wife."
I'm really steamed at my wife. She is so immature! Last night I was taking a bath and she came in and sunk all my little boats! But I'm really a lucky guy. I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I was sick and stayed home from work. She was so happy to have me home, that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or deliveryman, she'd shout,' My husbands home! My husband's home!' What a gal I married! And for everyone that's still single, some notes on marriage...... Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.... Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?... Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss.... Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.... Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.... Marriage still confers one very special privilege, only a married person can get divorced!
A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?" The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!" "I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?" "About two minutes ago," came the reply.
I was hanging out with a blonde friend of mine when we saw a woman walk by us with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain to her that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
IMPORTANT! READ THIS BEFORE USING YOUR NEW DEVICE
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bone-head consumer maneuvers. Which is why we ask you to:
PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.
YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT?
WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?!?
We're sorry. We just get a little crazy sometimes because we're always getting back "defective" merchandise where it turns out that the consumer inadvertently bathed the more...
Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo.
After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom’s. Explain to the tux shop what you’re up to. Pick up the groom’s fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.
The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don’t reveal that you know anything as long as possible.
Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of more...