Robber Jokes / Recent Jokes
Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up." All the ladies down on the floor," one handsome robber commanded." My grandmother too?" the little girl asked. "Yes, your grandmother too!""All the ladies on the floor, pull up your dresses." "My grandmother too?" "Yes, your grandmother too! All ladies will now remove their panties." "Surely you don't mean my grandmother too?" asked the little girl. Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, "YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the ladies on the floor are to spread their legs apart." When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, "YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!"
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down.
After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move.
The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced, "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the more...
A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, "This is a muck up!" "Don't you mean a stick up?" asked the girl. "No," said the robber, "it's a muckup. I've forgotten my gun."
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
Late one night in the capitol city an Army deserter wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money!" he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this
... I'm a Member of Parliament!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"